Say Nothing
by Kaorots
Summary: When Iruka was twenty six, and Kakashi, twenty seven, they mistook frustration for love. Yaoi, Kakairu, mentions of sex...


Title: Say Nothing

Genre: Drama, weird.

Characters: Iruka, Kakashi, and a lot of people were thrown in hell with them...

Resume: "When Iruka was twenty six, and Kakashi, twenty seven, they mistook frustration for love."

Status: One-shot

Comment : 1. Written in the night from the 19-09-06 to the 20-09-06, or, more precisely, at midnight and some unknown minutes, due to a sudden ( crazy, mad, insane, incomprehensible ! ) inspiration that made me write for about four hours ( yes, four hours for only six pages... And my muse was working ! I am so envious of those of you guys who write two pages in half an hour, and that manage to put so much meaning in these two pages ! ).

2. I think it's OOC. But then, at the same time, maybe they are just being people. Then, maybe it's only a poor plea from me. Anyway, there is no bastard in this fic, or at least I didn't think of it like this. There are only humans.

Disclaimer : Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi, Tsunade, Genma, Gai, Raidou, Anko, Kotetsu, Ebisu, Naruto not belong to me, but to Masashi Kishimoto, who wrote the manga Naruto.

**I hadn't noticed how much Zooie's style had impressed me, and, unintentionally, I ended using the writing style of one of her fics in my fic. I sent a note to her, and she simply asked to credit her. So there, just go read 'When they were', I'm sure you'll like it !**

Say Nothing

When Iruka was twenty five, and Kakashi, twenty seven, there was a meeting between some chuunin and jounin. In theory, it was about the ninja children training politics, but more concretely, they simply introduced the new teachers and started talking about which jounin would take on a genin team.

Needless to say, Iruka and Kakashi, like more than half of the room, were bored out of their minds. The copy nin, who sure couldn't think of taking a second trio of brats after Team Seven – the capital letters were from Naruto - didn't dare read his infamous book in the assembly, though, because their almighty Godaime presided the meeting.

That's when the exchange of looks started. Some brief glances, suggestive blinks, pen munching, shifting, all done in the discreet shinobi way, and they found themselves impatiently walking up to Iruka's apartment after the session, furiously kissing on the doorstep and pressing each other against the walls, fighting for dominance once they were inside. They did it roughly on the floor of Iruka's dark dinning-sitting-bedroom, not even bothering with switching the lights on or spreading out the setbed.

It had been one of the most intense sex Kakashi had ever had.

They experienced it again.

----

When Iruka was twenty six and Kakashi, twenty seven, and they had been dating for three months, Iruka partied his birthday with Kakashi only, Naruto being out on a mission with Jiraiya, and they had ended the crazy, zany day with such a passionate love-making Kakashi had been sore for three days.

It all had started with a simple...

"Happy birthday."

From the copy nin, followed by a morning kiss on the temple. The demonstration of affection had made Iruka incredibly happy, his cheeks flushed in joy, and hyper. Completely, irremediably hyper. Kakashi had laughed at him then, teasing him slightly, but Iruka had shut him up with a kiss that had quickly become furious and wild, and had left them panting with the ridiculous impression they were perfect, and complete.

Then, Iruka and him had watched some insane movie that had made Kakashi wide eyed and chukling at such a display of... insanity. Not that his lover was any better, he thought tenderly. While Kakashi had been putting the DVDs in order, Iruka had had a fight with the stove that never wanted to light easily and when Kakashi, amused by his silliness, had helped him, Iruka had sulked for half an hour, making the jounin roll his eyes.

They had eaten, they had had a battle with whipped cream, they had cleaned the house, and themselves.

Then, finally, they had sex.

It didn't matter how crazy Iruka could be, from seriousness to childish behaviour, Kakashi had thought, for sex like that, he would stay forever.

And Iruka was cute when he pouted anyway.

----

When Iruka was twenty six and Kakashi, twenty seven, a month after the chuunin's birthday, Iruka was home drinking his coffee, when Kakashi came in through the window, a wide smile on his face.

He was greeted with a flat...

"You're late."

From Iruka. He smiled sheepishly, explained Genma and Gai had wanted to drink some sake with him after the mission, because nothing had gone wrong, and that was a happy thing. Iruka didn't answer, to Kakashi's irritation, and just started grading. The copy nin went into the kitchen, purposefully throwing Iruka's fresh made coffee and starting to make his own.

After about forty minutes of angry silence, Iruka apologised, his voice soft and low, his expression sorry.

Kakashi didn't answer and kept drinking his third cup in a heavy athmosphere, ignoring Iruka's pleading look.

Later that night, he walked to the chuunin, yanked his mask and claimed Iruka's mouth as his. They had sex, again, a sex wilder than they had ever had, fast, irate.

They didn't talk about what had happened, Kakashi thought the sex had solved their problems.

----

When Iruka was twenty six, and Kakashi, twenty seven, and they had been together for eight months, they fought, and kissed, and made out, in more ways than one, for nothing and everything, and they thought all the passion they put into sex was love, and they were wrong.

They didn't recognize frustration.

-----

When Iruka was still twenty six, and Kakashi, twenty seven, they were eating in a peaceful atmosphere at Iruka's small apartment. The chuunin had never viewed Kakashi's and he had had to fight and fuss and yell and cry to only have it's address. Now, they were calm. Too calm, and they both knew it, because it was dangerous, because it gave them time to think.

Kakashi raised and took the dirty plates to clean them while Iruka put the leftovers in the fridge. It was a routine.

Kakashi always started cleaning the forks, knives and spoons, slowly, giving the chuunin time to tidy up the table. When he took care of the plates, Iruka was ready to dry them with a small towel.

It took them longer than usual this time.

After this, they sat on the setbed, without looking at each other.

Then a simple...

"It's over."

From Kakashi.

And he left.

They didn't talk much, anyway.

And the sex had been getting vicious.

----

When Iruka was twenty six and he didn't care how old Kakashi was, Iruka had so much despair - no, passion, he told himself, passion, fire, life - he felt he needed to share his love with someone.

He took a lover, Genma. He had sex with him for two months, before Raidou discovered them.

It had been a strangled...

"Fuck."

From Raidou. The man had been furious, and hurt, and hadn't been afraid of showing it, after he had watched them dress with burning eyes, and he had _talked_ to Genma, asking what had been wrong between them for him to take a lover, and Iruka hadn't known what to do because he had been stuck in the room with them, and when Genma had started _answering_ Raidou with a trembling voice, explaining, Iruka had felt like crying and throwing up and laughing and yelling and staying quiet so as to not draw attention.

----

When Iruka was twenty six and he didn't know who Kakashi was anymore – stop contradicting him, he just didn't know who Kakashi was ! Don't talk about him ! Shut up Naruto ! Shut the fuck up ! ... ... ... I am sorry for yelling at you Naruto, so sorry... – Iruka had had a two day relationship with Anko.

The girl was crazy, and completely lunatic, and because of this – or despite it - she hadn't remained with Iruka any longer. Maybe she had felt he wasn't balanced enough, perfect enough, to counter-balance her.

But they all wanted him to be perfect, just to hide their own defaults.

They remained acquaitances despite it all, not friends, but they didn't avoid each other.

Anko didn't like anal sex, anyway.

----

When Iruka was twenty eight and a part of his mind reminded him that someone he knew should be getting thirty soon, Iruka had had different short-lived relationships, and was finally working on a more serious one. Chuunin, Naruto often bugged Iruka to become jounin so he could rule on his 'beloved Kotetsu' – the academy teacher always threw a shoe at him after the sarcastic use of the affective name.

Kotetsu was fine, a good pasionate lover that tired him, and loved him, and kissed him with everything he had, and rode him until he collapsed, and stayed the night at his side, snuggling and sighing in contentment.

Kotetsu was beautiful in his own way, and even if he sometimes got angry for nothing, such as the empty fridge, or the broken TV, or the stupid stove, he had a way of making love that drove Iruka crazy with desire.

Kotetsu was kind and sweet sometimes, behind his rough appearance, caressing his lover's hair before they slept, and Iruka couldn't really blame him for snarling at his tardiness when he came home late, when the sky was already dark, after a whole day of teaching and playing the receptionist .

Kotetsu was...

Well, frankly, Kotetsu was...

Iruka. A 'him' younger and wilder and crazier than what he had becomen, but it still held too much a resemblance for Iruka not to shudder.

When he realized the similarity between his actual relationship and a particular one he didn't want to remember – he has forgotten it, he told you this already, so don't insist ! - Iruka paled and shook, and broke a glass. It shocked him and scared him, and he ran from it. He talked to Kotetsu and cowardly told him he didn't love him anymore – which was a lie, because he wasn't even sure he had ever loved him – that it was over.

A whispered...

"I'm sorry."

From Iruka.

And Kotetsu left.

Iruka realized, then, how selfish he had been, to make someone believe in him when he himself didn't.

----

When Iruka was twenty nine, he had a tentative relationship with Ebisu.

Ebisu wasn't fine. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous, and even if he wasn't ugly – far from it – he had to be one of the most physically banal lovers Iruka had ever had. He was smart, sharp, and denied completely his homosexuality. They had been together for four months, and nothing had happened under the waist area. Not that Iruka cared.

Iruka couldn't help but be in love.

The man was funny, in his weird way, and Iruka took his denial for shyness. He found it sweet.

Naruto found it dumb, but he shut up, praying for Ebisu to be the one, because he couldn't put up with Iruka's roller-coaster of a life anymore, because it hurt him because it hurt Iruka even if Iruka couldn't see it and then it hurt even more.

----

When Iruka was thirty - and Kakashi somewhere around thirty one, he was informed by a very surprised Naruto who thought his former jounin teacher was ten years older - Ebisu was still a virgin.

Iruka tried to talk to him, but Ebisu got incredibly angry, then, saying Iruka was forcing him, and he started to throw things, so Iruka shut up, and kissed him tenderly after the crisis was over.

Naruto was angry and scared and sad.

So he himself tried to talk to Ebisu, but the man avoided him. When Iruka heard of his attempt at a conversation, he went to Naruto's home to talk to him. At first, Naruto hadn't wanted to explain, ashamed, somewhere, somehow, so Iruka started explaining how important it was to discuss with someone, and Naruto ended crying on Iruka's lap, forgetting his eighteen years of life, forgetting everything if not himself and Iruka, and getting rid of his pain through his tears.

Naruto wondered where Iruka had gotten such wisdom.

Ebisu didn't want Iruka to be perfect, he wanted Iruka to make him feel loved and to leave him alone. Iruka knew it. But he had chosen to ignore it, so desperate that he was to make believe he was loved.

This night, he tried to talk to Ebisu.

Ebisu spurned him.

So Iruka sighed, and told him to get out.

A stunned...

"What ?"

From Ebisu.

Iruka explained it wasn't about the sex, but that he couldn't live with someone who didn't talk to him, didn't let him make part of his life, that this wasn't a relationship, and Ebisu accused him of being a drama queen. Iruka wanted to slap him, to punch him, to hurt him, but he controled himself, for once, and he looked at the man he knew was destroying himself, trying to hide it by attacking others.

He told Ebisu that, yes, he loved him, but that he was wondering if Ebisu didn't love himself a little too much. He said, next, that if Ebisu wanted to talk, he could come back, but that it was over.

He saw disappointment in the man's eyes, anger, but shrugged it off until Ebisu left.

When he was alone, he cried on his bed, bitting his pillow, hurt, and sad, and, somewhere, it felt like he had done the good thing.

It still hurt.

It hurt.

----

When Iruka was thirty and Naruto was still flabbergasted at Kakashi's thirty one years, Iruka was at a doorstep, nervous, but decided.

The door opened to a smiling man with a scalding scar on the face, the happy expression slowly turning into one of surprise. Genma's cheerful voice called from behind to know who had given the ring, and Raidou simply told him to come next to him.

When both men where inside the house looking at the chuunin in front of their home, Iruka swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth. No sound came, so he shook his head, furious with himself, and clenched his teeth and grabbed the low side of his vest. He started explaining he hadn't known whether he should have brought flowers or chocolate or sake, and he was sorry for disturbing them, and he knew it was starting to be a little late but, well, he had felt the need to talk to them and...

He stopped. Genma was looking at him with a lost expression, while Raidou had a sad smile on his lips. Maybe he understood, maybe he just pitied him.

It was strange, Iruka noticed bitterly, that he was in the dark, outside, on the doorstep, and the two jounins were inside, cleraly lit by the lamp of the corridor and patiently waiting for him to _do_ something. It felt like a stupid metaphore, and only made him want to run away from their gaze, from them, and from himself.

He stayed, in the uneasy silence.

Then, a trembling word...

"Sorry."

From Iruka.

One word, one simple word was all it took. Raidou invited him in kindly, made him seat in front of the coffee table, and watched, compassionate, as Iruka cried silent tears, hiding his face in his hands and shaking from head to toe.

Genma put two cups of coffee on the table for them and gently kissed Raidou's forehead.

Iruka apologized over and over again.

It wasn't like he thought he had some pride left, anyway.

----

When Iruka was thirty, and Kakashi thirty one, because he remembered now, and he had never really forgotten, he was at another doorstep. His eyes were still red from crying at Genma and Raidou's house half an hour ago, but he didn't care.

He felt ready for it.

More, he felt that he _needed_ it.

He knocked, and the door was opened lazily, until a familiar face appeared.

"Hello Kakashi-san." Iruka greeted softly. "May I come in ?"

A blink.

"Sure."

They sat at Kakashi's dinner table, and the jounin offered him some coffee. Iruka declined politely, smiling peacefully.

"I've been running for way too long, and it's been killing me."

"Aah."

----

When Iruka was thirty, and Kakashi thirty one, they talked.

---------------------------------------

Ah, beta-edited ! Woohoo ! Thank you Carthae, thank you a lot. glomp

Oh, and I'm not against comments, humour me lol I still can't believe I wrote this...


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